This Week: Gratitude for Motherhood…

Being a mother really is the greatest honour isn’t it? Sometimes it’s easy to forget or lose sight of the absolute sacredness of this gift. I am having one of those weeks where I keep looking at my kids and seeing them growing, morphing right in front of my eyes. I am seeing their inner light shine and develop into these beautifully expressed little beings. I am watching and thinking truthfully ” what a gift to witness, what a blessing to be a mother.” They say we choose our parents and I feel so incredibly lucky to be chosen by these two, I only hope I can be the best guide for them to fulfil their paths and purpose here.

This week I am noticing how the more I let go of this concept of education, the more I can see the kids just trusting their intuition and finding their way, resolving their problems and finding the information they desire. I am noticing how my son seems to have so many ideas that he wants to birth into real time. He made a puppet show out of a box laying around the house, thinking up the concept of a dinosaur world, painting it, hanging up some plastic dinosaurs he had and repurposed them,  using shells, sticks and bits to then make up stories and present his puppet show. I didn’t tell him to think of something to do with the box, or to make a puppet show, nor did I tell him how to make it when he expressed his desire too. He just knew what and how he wanted to do it, so he did. I assist where needed and offer guidance if called upon but I also let him make mistakes and try to resolve them.

I am learning so much how to let them just be, it’s a big learning curve as a parent because my natural instinct is to jump in when I see them falter. This comes from a place of love yes, but also my need to do something “correctly”, or thinking my way is right. We forget there is so much beauty and so much discovery of ourselves, the world and meaning in being “wrong”. The wrongs are just as necessary as the rights, maybe even more useful. As I let go, I see the lessons before my eyes, that my little wildlings are here to teach me. They are right too, being older is not always wiser and certainly not always right! You never stop learning and as I learn from them, in their freedom to find themselves amongst this space, they are also seeing me learning, making mistakes and growing. It never stops! and it’s all OK.

My son is now showing us that he is starting to read small sentences and words. We were driving in the car the other day and he says mum does that sign say “The car museum”. I turned and said “oh yes it does”. I was caught off guard and as I looked through the review mirror I noticed how the kids look out the window, watching and observing the world tinkering away. They are figuring it all out. We don’t allow the kids screens in the car and to be honest we monitor what they are allowed to watch and how much screen time they have quiet heavily, as I don’t think much of what is targeted at kids is appropriate for their minds nor do I care to promote ipads for a long list of reasons. But mainly because it takes them away from this world, this amazingly beautiful world and the connection around them, had my son been on a screen he wouldn’t have noticed that sign nor would he have suggested we go back and visit that museum. Also sure the wildlings do push each other’s buttons a bit back there in the back seat but mostly they play and hangout.

This week we have also been discussing some group activities for the kids to get involved in as O has said he would like to make some more friends. He gets quite nervous and anxious starting anything new but we have been talking about how important it is just to try new things and give it a go. We are throwing some suggestions out but haven’t had a huge response on group stuff. He seems to be drawn to solo activities and he does enjoy his own time and space which is important too.  He did go with his Dad to see his first ever football match and I think he had a ball so that might be a lead… we are just observing and seeing where his interests take him. He will surely let us know with his passion and gusto! We just try to create that loving and supportive environment for him to feel safe to express himself in whatever way he so chooses.

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I feel so lucky to watch these guys and connect with them all throughout our days. I really feel like I get the best of them. To see those breakthrough moments, the spontaneous learning, the freedom to express and create and the way they just play. I get to see their bond as siblings flourish and strengthen, how they learn to co inhabit this space and deal with all the wide range of emotions that come with that. I get to instil in them the values that we uphold to be of the highest importance, from loving the earth, to loving your neighbour, investing and sharing in community and respecting yourself, your life and your purpose. To live earnestly and honestly. To be their mother is truly a gift and one this week in particular, as a light seems to be shining it brighter than ever for me and I am extra grateful for. We make choices that may seem bold to some but all I can do is trust my intuition as a mother and guide my children with what I believe to be a way that is best for them. So that they can grow to be free thinkers, wildly imaginative and playful but mostly to have love and respect for themselves and the people around them, for at the end of the day this is what really matters most. When we make choices from the loving space in our heart and not fear based we teach our wildlings to move through the world with loving kindness, compassion and authenticity. We move towards a world that is connected, peaceful and free for all. A world  in which I hope my children will co create and enjoy in their lifetimes.

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The fresh blog… The diary of a homeschooling mama

I have been re- working my blog this week and it’s slowly reshaping.. I felt like I haven’t been writing as much and have been wondering why? YES YES time, but there is never really enough time for anything right so why let that stop us!

I  guess what it really came down to was I wasn’t feeling really connected about what I was writing. Not so much the content but the topics. So I have decided to get back to really just expressing truthfully the journey of being with my kids day in and and day out and choosing to educate them out of the system. I want to write about us, really connect and share what this journey is for us and how we are kinda making it up as we go. I am learning a hell of a lot about trust in my life at the moment, this theme keeps re-occuring. To trust in life, in oneself, in others. It’s certainly not an easy thing to do and this need to control often arises, but I am really open to trusting this journey and trusting my self as a mother, that I am enough to provide the right education for my children, trust in my partner to walk along side me in co-educating and re enforcing the choices and path we choose, To trust the children to find themselves amongst the freedom of home schooling. To trust life really! ( Cause I certainly can’t control it!!!)

It was only a few short months ago that I quit my job, feeling run down and like I was shuffling kids around from one place to the other and not truly tapping into what they needed. My partner and I decided that despite the financial burden this would create me being at home with the kids was exactly what our family needed for this time. Now we decided as my son was soon to turn 5 that we would “trial” what it would be like to home educate. What it would be for me to be with the kids full time, could I handle it? Would they drive me nuts? Was I enough? Trial how they respond to learning from the life around them.

We have joined a few homeschool activities and groups to feel out the circles, talk with people and connect on their experiences. It’s been such an eye opener and such an empowering time. I love being with my kids, yep all the time! Even the times they drive me up the wall. I feel the most connected to them then I ever have. I can feel the shift in them having me around, like I am a compass as they navigate their space. They feel more settled, more grounded. We have a flow, definately not a routine but the word flow seems to sum it up. We are learning the right amount of time to be on top of each other and enough time lost in our own projects. I am learning little ways to take time outs for myself, like having my yoga mat out and taking moments to stretch and pause. I  also carry my writing books and poetry books and when moments arise that the kids are engaged in play or activities I lose myself in my creative passions, even if for a few short stolen moments, they are my stolen moments. I am learning to give my kids space, to get lost in things they love to do. I guess when I was working I would feel like I would have to fill up every minute of our time together to make it last while I was away, I guess feeling like my presence alone wasn’t compensation enough. It is though, I can see having me around they are more content, they love it and so do I.

It’s totally not all roses and I have days where I get burnt out, I am tired and feel I have very little to offer. Some days where I feel like “how the hell am I going to do this?”. Days where the mess of such a lived in home gets on top of me.. But then I have days where I see something click for them, or I get lost watching them play, or create or simply share lunch and talk with them on how they see the world. I have noticed how often my son now says ” mum I have an idea on how we could make this”, or ” mum maybe we could look up how x,y,z works, or why this happens?” and how is always is enthusiastic about going to museums or galleries, knowing there is some magic piece of knowledge for him to seek out. Everyday is an adventure.

The learning is practical, it’s tangible, it’s connected. They are learning through constant engagement with the world around them. I have learnt so much about my role as a mother and learnt so much about myself in the world, through these few months with them. I feel in so many ways I have been so unclear about how I am mean’t to guide these children. I think for a long time I had fallen into a pattern that I thought was right because many others around me were doing the same. It certainly wasn’t wrong but it wasn’t me, wasn’t us. I guess I hadn’t really connected with what it was that I wanted to pass onto my children and in spending this time with them I am discovering that more and more. I am more secure in myself as a mother, not worrying about what others may think or say of how I choose to bring up my children. This has been something I struggled with a lot in the early days of motherhood, feeling such judgement in even a few passing words from others. I really feel I am enough for my children, I don’t always get it right, I am in constant learning as well, I am full of flaws. But I am enough!

So I hope this gives you a bit more of a feel of the new direction of my blog.. I’m just gonna tell it how it feels really. I hope that, that’s enough for you to keep reading and sharing with your friends xx This experience is all about following your authenticity and heart so I really hope you follow and join this journey with us.

Sending love and light All

Ax